Yeah, that’s right, I’m leading off with not one, but two Barry Bonds links! Fuck you all! Schulman plays clueless, Baggarly comes closer; but I think the reason Bonds refuses to retire is that he’s got a shrewd PR rep, and they’re pushing his HoF eligibility out beyond the realm of fresh ‘roid ire.
See, I told you this Dailiment Condilink Brump already sucks.
Ellis and Nomar already off the active roster; no one replaced them yet.
XbX edit
New people: email Sal [you can email me, mikeA, instead (no link, go to my profile yourselves lazy asses)], get access, start commenting, show off your amazing vocabulary, ask to be added to the Krauthor list, post a bunch of self congratulatory gibberish, tell ** we’re elitist pricks.
Lather, rinse, repeat. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. Users caught handling salmon in suspicious circumstances will be prosecuted to the full extent of law, unless you have written guidance from OLC delineating the manner in which your suspicious salmon-handling did not violate domestic statutes and international treaties to which FK is a signatory. Also, politics. [actually, politics are kind of ok (or at least ok-er than on **) as long as you aren’t an engorged clown phallus about it. -Nm] [Actually, Nm, there ARE NO RULES. And way to miss my Sarah Palin reference. Also. @(‘.’)@] [FK: the 90’s UFC of A’s blogs]
Okay, maybe not all of that was XbX’s edit.
Aw HELLZ no. Why do people have to email me? — salb918
You drew are the short straw -xbx
d
Why is there a “d” at the bottom now?
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FREE KRAUT! 
No, I suspect Bonds won’t officially retire because his attorneys believe that continuing to call himself an active, available player bolsters their claim that MLB is colluding to deny Barry gainful employment. What Bonds deems his own status to be is irrelevant to his five year Hall of Fame clock.
Bingo. I think this is the most likely explanation. Like Canseco, I think Bonds wants baseball to push him out while there’s evidence that he can still contribute. Bonds was 6th in the NL in OPS (>1.000!) in 2007 and couldn’t find work in 2008. Incredible.
In Canseco’s last year, he posted a .843 OPS.
And how did that benefit Jose exactly?
It’s added to his “blackball” narrative, which has been pretty successful from what I can tell.
Define “successful.” {/Poppy}
Last I checked, Jose was teetering on the edge of the toilet, dipping his toes in the vortex.
“Juiced”
“Vindicated”
He’s probably blown whatever wad of cash he got for those books. So, yeah, he’s boxing Danny Bonaduce for twenty bucks and a cheeseburger. I’d say the narrative still helped him sell those books.
“Surreal Life”?
If only we could trade Bobby Crosby for 20 bucks and a cheeseburger.
I CAN HAZ CROSBURGER?
Mm, you could be right, but I suspect that Barry’s collusion suit (justifiable as it may be) is akin to Portland/Charlotte/Vegas/Mexico City (boy is that not happening now!) for team owners — a quasi-plausible threat to get what he wants. Which, I suspect, at this late date, isn’t actual contracted playing time.
Why not?
“The Oakland Warthogs of Mexico City.”
Dammit, why does everything already suck?
Fuck, I guess it took me too long to type mine.
Once again, you experience the pitfalls of your Brobdignagian vocabulary.
(And, yes, an Indians fan from the ’90s would have a Charlienagian vocabulary.)
I’m making an inarticulate gesture at you right now.
Like this?
From the I’ll Believe It When I See It files: Justin Duchscherer thinks he’ll be ready to pitch in about a month.
From the Yeah, That Sucked Ass files: Injuries. Then some injuries. Oh, and injuries.
(Okay, I might have added that last part of the quote myself. Bobby didn’t say that.)
From sfgate’s Mommy Files, which I sometimes read just to see what silly crap better moms than me are wringing their hands over and/or bragging about: “Star Wars”: Will it warp and/or traumatize your preschooler? (pay attention, sal).
One of my favorite parts: “I checked the age rating on the Common Sense Media Web site, a Bay Area nonprofit that helps parents navigate media. They recommend A New Hope, Empire Srikes Back, The Return of the Jedi, and Clone Wars for 8-year-olds and over. Attack of the Clones and Phantom Menace for 10-year-olds and over.”
I beg to differ. The last three are not recommended for anybody.
Re: Star Wars.
Fuck. That. Shit.
I saw that blog a few days ago and I asked mrs. salb918 what age she thought was appropriate. She thought it might be too scary for a four year old. I’m pretty sure my kid could handle it now. He loves watching Warner Brothers cartoons with me, which are totally dark, violent, and racist (his favorite episode is “Bully for Bugs,” which always elicits very loud “Moo!”s from salb918 jr).
He can handle a little light saber amputation.
I think it would be too scary for some four-year-olds and just fine for other four-year-olds. The key is… know your own damn four-year-old! Generalized advice books/columns/groups always drove me absolutely bugshit when Poppy Jr. was a kid. And he was a major pain in the ass. But now he’s awesome, so I apparently did just fine without the references.
No references? But how did you ever get Poppy Jr. through regulatory review?
By passing along my charm-and-dignity genes.
[insert inappropriate Forrest Gump reference here]
So that’s where they went.
whOHooooooooh! {/Little Steven}
Now I’m going to miss my train and I’ll have to drive to school, all because I had to take the extra time to delete my dump after copying it to here as a comment. So monkeyball is responsible for global warming (like we didn’t already know that).
I’m officially the ghost of free kraut because no one can see this post.
I approved her comments. Fire me if you don’t like it, bitches.
Love the ‘tude.
Welcome, Sharon!
*sobs*
You’ve been here like 5 minutes and you are calling us SOBs?
Whoa, that wasn’t there a minute ago…
No…it was there all along.
TWSS
The A’s have now officially been diagnosed as infected with the H2N3 virus.
Bichelle Machmann
AKA Buck Turgidson
Ah ha! I don’t know what I thought happened to you people. I guess figured you were too busy to post about your favorite club. Silly.
I’ll probably just lurks some more, but I’m sending Sal an email anyway.
Nice.
The italics, they hurt my eyes…
Too. Much. Turn it off! Turn it off!
X isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.
X isn’t the sharpest tool in the
shedthread.X, I fixed your open ::em:: tag. Why do I have to do everything around here? Why aren’t you people congratulating me?
We did, but because we were using Poppy’s highfalutin’ vocabulary, it all flew right over your head.
I’m the short straw, so…
I assume you mean midfalutin’. After all, it’s an easy head to fly over
At least it ain’t lewfalutin’.
Sal, are you still hearing the evolutionary biology lectures from the black helicopters?
Yeah, they’re saying, “I’m on a motherfucking boat.”
Fuck you. I just got that out of my head from YESTERDAY!
Oakland City Attorney John Russo lays out the recent history of the A’s efforts to put Oakland in their rearview mirror.
Russo’s a sharp guy, very adept at speaking out on matters which tap into the public mood in a timely way. Which as a politician is easy to do when you don’t ever actually have to make any hard decisions.
Interesting.
What’s Lew’s angle here? Get the concomitant real estate development and then sell the team?
I don’t think that’s his goal, though I suspect he’d gladly settle for that at this point.
I think his minority partnership agreement probably includes incentives for a successful ballpark (either a heightened ownership share OR a sweetened buyout deal), and disincentives for failure (like a forced buyout on Fisher’s terms). Lew probably perceived from his pre-ownership days that entanglements with Oakland would ultimately not bear fruit, but would likely get in the way of a ballpark somewhere else that could be both more feasible and more profitable. And I don’t think he was wrong in that perception five years ago, though the economic nosedive may have since made Oakland less of a pipedream and a southern park less feasible.
I’d amend “successful ballpark” to “maximally long-term revenue-enhancing ballpark”; mere “success” in developing a fast and/or cheap and/or few-barriers-to-shovel-ready and/or politically feasible and/or satisficing stadium wasn’t why Lew was brought on board.
I’m agreeing with you, just gilding the lily.
Absolutely. And given those definitions it’s pretty clear how, to Wolff, “successful ballpark” and “Oakland” are mutually exclusive.
I am not convinced, though, that young Fisher sees it the same way.
This feels like a family reunion. Someone pass the fluffy salad.
Okay, who deleted sal’s comment about Sharon’s blank comment that was also deleted? We need to lock the back door. I feel violated.
Needs more clown powder.
Family reunion? Not enough guilt, gossip, weddings, children, or brown people.
And perhaps a bit too much “back door”
You’ve never been to my family reunion.
(just lob ’em over the plate there…)
We’ve been infiltrated! Spies! Heathens!
I deleted that, once Sharon fixed hers. And we’ve always been at war with
Oceania**.We’ve always been allied to Oceania.
Alright, who broke FK?
TWSS?
The intersection of the word fuck and the law
Really needs some scare-quotes there.
So this is where everyone has been hanging out. I’ve missed you all!
Listen, FKwits: I’ve been watching Lost on DVD, finally. I’ll finish Season Three tonight. So if anyone has anything to say about the fate of Charlie, Locke, or anything else, please use the html code for invisible text. Thanks.
THEY’RE ALL GONNA DIE
They travel back in time and extend Miggy instead of Chavez.
Did they dig a little deeper and keep Foulke and put TARE where it belonged (theoretically stockpiling “holds” in Seattle)?
Episode #100 is tonight!
Goodman on the most recent BB
I would shank you to save the $$$
Both ArakSOT and Sharon show up over the last few days. What year is this?
And who will be next? jubjub? OaktownTribesman?
Salvatore? Randy Bell? swede??
JasontheFlorist
hattebergexpress and 3e8
hattebergexpress
I just shot Cherry Coke out of my nose after reading that. I don’t know why that was so funny.
Probably because I can still remember the thread where he was banned.
It was the back-to-back games right after the all-star break in 2005 where Harden and Zito pitched gems and flirted with no-nos.
:-)
Those were gems!
iseewhatyoudidthere.gif
LOL @ RB
anybody figure out a widescreen format for WP yet? Because really, it sucks without it.
Patience. After this weekend things should be less klud.. awkw.. ba.. ungood.
We could only spring for the vhs pan-‘n’-scan version.
shoulda done FK in betamax
These people wouldn’t know high definition if it sat on their lap and called them momma.
I devote about an hour per day to researching the obtuse references in your posts.
xbhaskarx: often abtruse, rarely obtuse.
Your vocabulary blunders are wrecking Free Kraut’s elitist image. Stick to posting about long division and test tubes, Staty McStaten.
[74mk edit]: Foiled by my low IQ yet again. They keep telling me it doesn’t matter, it’s just a test, there are all sorts of problematic socioeconomic biases built in, etc., but I’m starting to think that if I knew all that stuff about which triangle is unlike the other and what number sequence is missing and whatnot, I wouldn’t fatally undermine my already lame blog comment witticisms with crucial misspellings.
As are your spelling errors/typos.
I’d also quibble with your epithet formation: as with “Chavvy,” “Statty McStatten” requires double consonants to maintain the short vowel sounds.
At least he didn’t misspell fucking Rorschach and bring about the black death.
you ------ jump|lake74mk is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful KRAUThor I’ve ever known in my life.
And yet I’d shank him to save the $$$
fsu: By which he means, How about passing the time by playing a little solitaire?
Dellums/Wolff meeting interrupted:
Like pulling a fire alarm during the final exam.
I love that it was a PLANNED FIRE DRILL.
Twitter Causing Swine-Flu Panic
I’m in favor of a Twit Quarantine.
broken link
fixed
Who was Twitter Zero?
Alyssa Milano
Nice. Ly. Played.
It’s Patterson + Cameron
1. Never question TDF when he’s been reading the spoor trail
2. Who gets dropped from the 40-man? Herrera? Gray? I guess Crosby or Chavez would be too much to hope for?
I know more about the leavings of animals than I ever intended.
Condilink reminds me of Condaleeza.
Poppy–it’s a go–check your email when you get a chance.
The sparrow is in the boathouse. Repeat: the sparrow is in the boathouse.
What lies in the shadow of the statue?
In the unlit mausoleum, there is no shadow.
Elvis has left the building?
Soylent Green is People.
In heaven, there is no beer.
The A’s clubhouse is heaven? I didn’t think it would be so … cramped and outmoded.
I’ve been told there’s a lake of whiskey AND a lake of stew.
But you’re not getting in, cause you’re a bastard.
Do you guys mind? I’m trying to FKwitter here.
/FKollow
It’ll be a Dog Day’s Night on Friday, July 17. Tickets now available. My Genghis has been an A’s fan since Lou Seal dissed him at the Giaunts’ first dog day at the Big Phoney.
It’s been a dog day’s night
And I’ve been working like a hard
Derby field set, Daily Racing Form past performances here. great field, no obvious favorite means lots of fun for bettors. At first glance I’m liking Friesan Fire among the faves and Musket Man as a good value longshot. But I have much work to do before laying any bets.
Between now and Saturday I will:
1. Re-read, as I do every year, Hunter S. Thompson’s seminal “The Kentucky Derby is Decadent and Depraved,” one of the greatest pieces of American sportswriting ever.
2. Analyze the field, make tenuous associations between each horse and an A’s player, and prepare a convoluted Back Your Pony post for Friday or Saturday; and
3. Drink so many mint juleps that any outcome will be fine. I made my julep syrup last night.